Marriage

“Thoughts from your Staff”

“A healthy marriage is when she feels like his princess, he feels like her prince, and both know that Jesus is King.”
Pastor Stephen – married 17 years

Prayer is key. Pray with your spouse every night. I firmly believe that is the main reason my husband and I are still married. It’s hard to stay mad at a person you’re supposed to pray with.
Joan Lehto, Ministry Assistant – married 27 years

Treva and I are “together.” We have seen great highs and lows in work, ministry, raising children, extended family, and health. Working through life together as we walk in our faith. Trusting God together when we could not see a way. We don’t know how strong we are until strong is our only choice.
Jim Sellers, Minister of Music and Sr Adults – married 42 years

I know God has given me my husband I get to share my life with. He is truly my best friend that knows me and loves me anyway. All the little things day to day are the big things. I love this quote, “A good marriage is one where each partner secretly suspects they got the better deal.”
Sharon Brown, Pastor’s Assistant – married 23 years

“Must be present to win.” Be present when you’re together, and make together time a priority – have fun, be serious, plan together, pray together, and minister together.”
Jon Price, Associate Pastor – married 23 years

I have always liked this quote. “A Godly marriage is when two people who deeply love God decide to love him together.”
Katie Marchman, Kids Director – married 15 years

Always be sure to compliment your spouse. “You’re so much better at washing the dishes than I am, that’s why I let you do it!”
Chris Stephens, Contemporary Worship Leader – married 8 years.

One of my favorite quotes is “We may not have it all together, but together we have it all.” It is a great reminder that with God in our marriage, we have all that we ever need! Yes, there will be struggles, we all have them… but when you pray and put God first, everything else will fall into place on His watch. We may not understand why things happen, but we know there is a reason for everything and God will get us through it, together!
Melanie Land, Financial Assistant – married 19 years

“A man who finds a wife finds a good thing and obtains favor from the LORD.” Proverbs 18:22 CSB
Macon Jones, Pastor of Students and Young Adults – Still lookin’

By no means do we consider ourselves experts on the topic of marriage but here are 3 things we try to live by in our relationship. 1) Bring all to each other and bear all with each other. Complete honesty, even when it hurts, is key to a healthy relationship. 2) Strive to understand each other’s shortcomings and encourage each other with grace. A good example would be my swiftness to anger and my wife’s unwavering patience…I won’t give an example of her because she is perfect. 3) Learn to forgive and let things go.
Montana Ethridge, Communications Director – married 5 years

 
 

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“Why It Doesn’t Matter If Your Spouse Is Wrong”

1 Corinthians 13:4-5
“Love is patient and kind; love does not envy or boast; it is not arrogant or rude. It does not insist on its own way; it is not irritable or resentful;” 
 
Every reasonable person knows there’s a right way and a wrong way to load a dishwasher. This being the gauge, it seems that a disproportionate amount of married couples are made up of one reasonable and one unreasonable partner. One statistic I’m sure I’ve heard somewhere proved scientifically that most marital strife comes from the unreasonable partner loading the dishwasher incorrectly. My wife claims she saw a statistic that most marital strife comes from the husband leaving all the kitchen cabinet doors open. Sounds like fake news to me.

The counsel I give to young couples before marriage is the same that I was given before April and I took our “big step” over 23 years ago. Love doesn’t keep a record of wrongs. We don’t strengthen our marriage by keeping track of and informing our spouse of their gaffs or variances from the right way to do things. It isn’t a contest, in fact, there are several things to remember when looking at this verse:
  1. When I win, WE lose. Relationships, especially marriages, are partnerships and partnerships grow through encouragement and support. But they’re weakened by nit-picking and criticizing. Marriage isn’t about ‘me,’ it’s about ‘we.’ In marriage, we learn to die to ourselves and put someone else before us.
  2. When You win, I win. Part of our responsibility in marriage is to be our partner’s biggest cheerleader and help them to become who God created them to be (not to mold them into our image). Those little barbs you are tempted to say when you’re frustrated weren’t put in your head by Jesus, and they don’t help the situation!
  3. You can’t trust the scorekeeper. It’s human nature for me to judge others by their actions and judge myself by my motives. We tend to cut ourselves slack when we compare and keep score. Besides, you don’t know all the times that your partner has cleaned up your messes.
While using the HEAR method (see below) consider the following questions:
  • How might your marriage change if you redefined winning with we instead of me? 
  • In what areas do you need to be a cheerleader for your spouse? If you’re not married, think about the relationships in your life and how you might answer that same question.
  • What are some ways that you can retire the scorekeeper in your head when it comes to your spouse and other significant relationships?

Highlight – what words or phrases jump out at you?
Explain – what does the passage mean?
Apply – how does the passage intersect with your life today?
Respond – how is God leading you to respond?

Jon Price, Associate Pastor

Jon Price

 

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“But What if I’m Single?”

1 Corinthians 7:8-9, 32-35
“To the unmarried and the widows, I say that it is good for them to remain single, as I am. But if they cannot exercise self-control, they should marry. For it is better to marry than to burn with passion.
 
I want you to be free from anxieties. The unmarried man is anxious about the things of the Lord, how to please the Lord. But the married man is anxious about worldly things, how to please his wife, and his interests are divided. And the unmarried or betrothed woman is anxious about the things of the Lord, how to be holy in body and spirit. But the married woman is anxious about worldly things, how to please her husband. I say this for your own benefit, not to lay any restraint upon you, but to promote good order and to secure your undivided devotion to the Lord.”
To single, or not to single – that is the question.
The first Christmas after graduating high school I asked a young lady to marry me. I felt the urge to merge – one hormone calling to another hormone – infatuation with the idea and privileges of marriage. Already in ministry, my fiancé began to experience the life of church leadership. Soon I was issued an ultimatum, the ministry or her. Well, I have now been in ministry over 40 years. Hurt – yes, blessed – definitely! God had someone in my future.
In today’s society, relationships are a big swirling vat of choices, life experiences, and human emotion. Some choose not to marry because; they don’t need the drama, they’ve witnessed horrendous breakups from trusted family or leaders, they’ve been hurt, or they can’t find that perfect person to meet their needs. Some are single because of the death of a spouse. Some are single because they have left a marriage or have been left. Single by choice or single by circumstance. What about being single?
The apostle Paul gives some guidance in I Corinthians 7. His main concern here has to do with correcting any wrong thinking about reasons to get married or to avoid marriage. Nobody should choose one over the other thinking it inherently more spiritual or more honoring to God. Those choosing to remain unmarried should make that choice based on the gifts God has given to them specifically. Those who choose marriage, or who are already married, however, should continue to honor their marriage commitment.
Being single does not mean being alone. You can interact with family, church, school, work, and hobbies. Paul speaks bout seeking God first in that most important relationship. When one focuses on serving God and serving others, the often self-absorbed mindset of single or married people now changes to a more outward focus on others. JOY –Jesus, Others, Yourself!
While using the HEAR method (see below) consider the following questions:
  • What are your thoughts and experiences from being single and how to they compare to what Paul says here?
Highlight – what words or phrases jump out at you?
Explain – what does the passage mean?
Apply – how does the passage intersect with your life today?
Respond – how is God leading you to respond?
Jim Sellers, Minister of Music and Sr. Adults
Photo by Joel Mott on Unsplash
 

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“In the Garden”

Genesis 2:24
 
“Therefore a man shall leave his father and his mother and hold fast to his wife, and they shall become one flesh.”
 
I know in my life many times I forget just how much a part of me my wife really is. As I struggle through life’s daily challenges, I forget that I am not struggling alone but that God created my wife to be there at my side and one with me.
 
The other day I went out to the greenhouse where my wife had been working on cleaning out the dead plants and getting them ready for the next season. I joined in and as we worked together, I noticed a change in our outlook on the challenge at hand. The job became less of a struggle and more of a joy. We were behaving just as God intended man and wife to be, as one.
 
When we live like we are alone we both miss out on God’s perfect plan for us but when we live as He intended us to be, one flesh, together in unison – that is when the beauty of marriage can shine. This principle applied to the garden of life will work just the same as it did in our backyard garden.
 
While using the HEAR method (see below) consider the following questions:
  • What are some things that your parents modeled for you in working together as a couple?
  • If you’re married, what’s something you and your spouse enjoy working on together?
  • What are some ways that you can spend more time together, growing as a couple?
Highlight – what words or phrases jump out at you?
Explain – what does the passage mean?
Apply – how does the passage intersect with your life today?
Respond – how is God leading you to respond?
 
Bill Ramsey
 

 

 

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What does Genesis 2:23 say about Gender Equality?

Genesis 2:23
“Then the man said,
“This at last is bone of my bones
    and flesh of my flesh;
she shall be called Woman,
    because she was taken out of Man.”

Have you ever wondered why God did not make Eve at the same time as Adam? It was definitely not to show Adam’s superiority. God made Eve separate from Adam to illustrate the worth and connection of male and female.

At times we look at the Bible with analytical eyes, but the pages are filled with life and emotion. This passage is one of the sweetest, most unassuming statements from a man regarding women.  In essence, Adam says, “Finally, God has given me what I was missing, bone of my bone and flesh of my flesh. I will call her woman or “part of me.”

This statement is a declaration of loyalty and faithfulness. This statement is an admission of gender distinction and equality. It gives identity to the woman. She is part of man, but unique. That combination is the unison necessary for man and woman to live together and help each other.

If you are married, God made you to be loyal and faithful.  Respect one another in the uniqueness of who you are. Adam’s statement declared that women are not objects for men to use and men are not monsters that abuse their leadership. We were made from and for one another.

Matthew Henry said, “Women were created from the rib of man to be beside him, not from his head to top him, nor from his feet to be trampled by him, but from under his arm to be protected by him, near to his heart to be loved by him.”

So, the bottom line is, men and women are made from the same substance. They are both image-bearers of God, yet with different role assignments. They are made for each other to glorify God.

While using the HEAR method (see below) consider the following questions:

  • How do you view the opposite gender?
  • Do you struggle with your view of the opposite gender from negative experiences in the past?
  • If you are married, what do you need to change in your thoughts or actions to treat your spouse as God created him or her?  For instance, be grateful for this part of yourself, pray for him or her, or communicate kindness in a valuable way.
Highlight – what words or phrases jump out at you?
Explain – what does the passage mean?
Apply – how does the passage intersect with your life today?
Respond – how is God leading you to respond?
Pastor Stephen Williams

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“Teamwork Makes the Dream Work”

Genesis 2:18-22

“Then the Lord God said, “It is not good that the man should be alone; I will make him a helper fit for him.” Now out of the ground the Lord God had formed every beast of the field and every bird of the heavens and brought them to the man to see what he would call them. And whatever the man called every living creature, that was its name. The man gave names to all livestock and to the birds of the heavens and to every beast of the field. But for Adam there was not found a helper fit for him. So the Lord God caused a deep sleep to fall upon the man, and while he slept took one of his ribs and closed up its place with flesh. And the rib that the Lord God had taken from the man he made into a woman and brought her to the man.”

Have you ever heard the phrase “Teamwork makes the dream work”? I have heard this a lot as a coach, teacher, and player, but I don’t think I fully grasped this concept until I got married. When I got married there was a definite void that was immediately filled. I had a spouse to “do life with,” to be a teammate with. It was something that was hard to explain but very clearly felt in my heart when we both made a covenant before God. This is what it means to be complete. However, this is just a fraction of the completion that we should feel when we are in union with God.
 
From the very beginning, God intentionally created man incomplete in himself. His fullness would not be felt until the creation of another. God lovingly addressed Adam’s needs! Enter Eve, the perfect help-mate and complement to Adam. He now had fellowship and companionship in a way that was literally tailor-fit for him. We, like Adam, are meant for companionship and fellowship. When these things are taken away, we can deeply feel their loss.
 
Our marriages (partnerships) should be a reflection of the relationship between Jesus and the church (HIS People). Non-believers should be able to look at a Christian marriage and see glimpses of how God communes with and loves His people. Jesus tells us to love our spouses as Christ loves the church. Christ loves us so much that He died for His bride (the church). In the same way that we feel complete with a spouse, we should feel fully complete when we are in union with Christ. Teamwork with the right spouse and Christ does make the dream work!
 
While using the HEAR method (see below) consider the following questions:  

  • Does your marriage reflect the relationship between Jesus and HIS church?

  • How can we use our marriage and a way to tell others about Christ?

Highlight – what words or phrases jump out at you?
Explain – what does the passage mean?
Apply – how does the passage intersect with your life today?
Respond – how is God leading you to respond?
Jesse Martin
 
 

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